The Truth and the facts

"The truth is more important than the facts" - Frank Lloyd Wright

We just won't let that one slide, will we? How could we?!

For most of us the facts are the truth. The facts are just the way things are. Unadulterated. Unvarnished. Uninterpreted. Just the facts, right?

At this point we could rehearse three centuries of doubts about indubitable assertions of sensory realism (that is, the facts). We could offer the ultimate trump of all knowledge - that everyone sees and senses uniquely. So? So, there's no such thing as 'the facts' when it matters how we experience life. The facts are relative or just plain impossible to take as certain; that's what we think of when we hear words like 'truth' and 'fact.'

There's a parable from India about five blind men and an elephant. Five blind men are asked to describe the elephant in the village.

One touched the lag and said the elephant was a pillar.

Another touched the tail and said it is like a rope.

The third found the trunk and said it was like the branch of a tree.

The fourth, touching the ear, said the elephant was like a big fan.

The fifth said it was like a great wall because he was touching the side of the elephant.

In versions of the story the men begin to argue until a wise man comes by and says it doesn't matter because each man is right.

But the story needs to keep going and someone needs to ask the 'wise man' a question.

The Outhouse

"Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten." - B. F. Skinner

There is a strong and resilient tradition of anti-intellectualism in America. It attributes vanity, pride and ignorance to too much learning, and takes pride in a lack of formal learning that avoids ignorance.

American anti-intellectualism is a natural response to the rejection of elitism (that birth or privilege determines value in life and society) and the strong democratic spirit of America's history. (Yes, it sounds like a topic we'd hear in intellectual circles, and that's ironic). There is a 'common sense' and 'we hold these truths to be self-evident' that's as ordinary as the nose on one's face.

It's an everyday 'smart' that differs from being book-smart. And it routinely warns that books and education can easily ruin a good and get in the way of common sense. Sometimes.

So a young man went off to the university to study geology. He returned after his first year and warned his dad that the well was too close to the outhouse. The dad replied that the boy didn't know what he was talking about and insisted that the well was fine where it was. The same thing happened after the boy's second and third years of studying geology, and the dad said the boy only had 'book education' but not 'life learning' and said he wouldn't listen until the boy had accomplished something.

After the boy returned with his degree in hand and made his case, once again - that the well was too close to the outhouse and that the family's fresh water supply could be polluted by the outhouse - the dad finally relented.

He moved the outhouse and a week later the well dried up.

An Anecdote

Here's something to think about today...

A psychologist at a girls' college asked the class to perform a behavioral experiment. They were to offer a casual compliment to any female wearing red.

In just one week it seemed that almost every female was wearing red.

If that's all it takes, imagine our world if we admire and compliment better things?!

Humbly Negative

Humility is most often defined in negative terms - not proud, not assertive, not presumptuous, not, not, not...

It seems difficult (as well as rare) to describe what humility is - what it looks like, how it acts, how it feels, without using a negative description.

We accept this because we've learned to associate humility with weakness (and virtue), submissiveness (and virtue), altruism (and virtue), and passivity (and virtue). Only in terms of humility are any of these dispositions virtuous.

And in The Truer Truth we've done that negative one better. Humility is not, not what most say it is.

Know what a cautionary tale is? An extreme, unfortunate, negative example - so horrific, so terrifying, so undesirable that just hearing the story of the misfortune of another would be enough to scare us out of similar behavior. We didn't have to make the same mistakes because we could learn from the mistakes of others. That is the power of a cautionary tale.

And cautionary tales are routinely negative (that is, after all, how the word 'caution' is used). And most tales about humility are cautionary tales.

So try this... try to discover a story, a tale, an instance of humility's positive example, its positive effects, its positive means to an end.

Look and let's see what we find.

The Value of Humility?

Let's face it, humility is a virtue that doesn't pay the bills.

For most of us that is what makes it a virtue! A good work ethic is a virtue, and it pays the bills. But not humility. It may be impossible to place a value on humility.

Humility is the non-profit virtue.

We don't need to calculate what humility costs us, or what price we'd pay, but we also don't need to commit ourselves to the strange idea that humility is a virtue because it doesn't have a pay-off.

Psychologists tell us that when we do something for someone else we feel better about ourselves. Giving to someone in need, giving gifts, random acts of kindness - they all have a psychologically positive effect on the doer (as well as the benefit of the act for the one done unto). But what about humility?

Humility does not have the same measurable effect as acts of generosity; it doesn't help others when one is humble in and of itself (that is, by itself). Humility needs something more to be a virtue of value.


Without that something else humility is simply humiliation.

Humility Without Humiliation

If there's more to being humble than humility.

And there's more to humility than being (or acting) inferior.

Then what's a soul to do?

Is there a way to be humble without humiliation? (Not a proud, 'I'm still as good as everyone else!' hidden beneath platitudes of lacking worth, low self-esteem, or self-inflicted insults - as disingenuous as they are bitter.)

Let's add a few more 'not's' to the discussion...

Humility is not timidity - that fearful, paralyzing fear of anything and everything.

Humility is not ignorance (of ourselves or others - pride is ignorance, humility is awareness).

Humility is not low self-esteem - defaulting to 'everyone's better than me, regardless.'

Humility is not devaluing everything we do, say, make or think.

Humility is not all there is to being humble.

Inferiority Complex

The second most common use of the word 'humble' refers to inferiority or insignificance.

And maybe that's why humility is so rare. And so difficult.

A long time ago we were told to love others as we love ourselves. That is, since we don't have a problem thinking of ourselves, caring for ourselves, loving ourselves, we should turn that love towards others.

We don't typically have a problem with loving and caring for ourselves. We don't neglect our own survival. We don't neglect thinking of ourselves.

(But that doesn't mean we make choices or act in ways that are always good for us.)

Because we love ourselves and we're told that loving ourselves is inappropriate, proud and selfish, we feel guilt. Why? Because the typical response to the obvious - that we love ourselves - is to deny, denounce and refuse this love. We're taught to rehearse how worthless, how selfish and how self-centered we are. But that's not the truth about our life.

It's not 'love others instead of ourselves' or 'love others in spite of ourselves' but since we love ourselves love others in the same way.

That's the truth.

Humility is More Than Being Humble

Look up 'humility' and we find: "the quality or condition of being humble." (Doesn't that help?)

So humility is to be humble.

And being humble is?

Not arrogant, not proud, not assertive, not costly, not, not, not....

And that's not the truth.

Not being or doing certain things is another way of saying passivity or passive aggressiveness.

There's something more to being humble - something which reflects beauty and integrity.

Something else...

Humility is Truth

"Humility is truth." - Desiderius Erasmus

Easier said than done, right?!

But with truth doing beats saying everyday.

Humility is an easy word, but its the hardest word to practice.

We'll spend a few days talking about it and see where it leads us.

For now here's an exercise: look for examples of humility around us. It could be a person, an act, an attitude, something we see on television, in a movie, read about in a book or magazine, or even hear about on the radio or in music.

Look and see what we find.

A New Day

Well, it's Friday (again) and time to try something new.

Take advantage of that dangerous, carefree feeling that accompanies Fridays.

Risk something. Risk anything. Nothing is off limits.

Try to do something normal, differently. Try to talk to the next person who walks by. In the normal course of what we have to do, do something we don't have to do.

It's Friday - take advantage it!

On the Other Hand

Right or left?

It's hard to look for a third option, especially when we're looking for a change.

Because change is always our reaction to a bad course, a bad situation, a bad life.

So we make a change. Any change. We pick, we choose, and we feel better because we've done something instead of nothing.

As if going straight ahead is doing nothing.

As if turning right or left is making a change that just has to be better because it's a change.

As if it takes no courage to continue on, to keep moving down the path that we've been traveling.

The alternative?

Continue on the same path while making changes along the way.

Because we're born this way. Because we don't get to start over. Because turning right or left isn't a real change. Because a change in direction doesn't change us.

.

Two Schools of Thought

There are two schools of thought about what to do with how we're born.

Both are moral arguments.

Both are common arguments.

And both are right in what they affirm, but wrong in what they deny.

The first school of thought is that since we're born this way, it's moral to act out our natural inclination.

The second school of thought is that we must always do what's right, regardless of how we're born.

Both are right in admitting we're born certain things that we don't choose (and not all those things are necessarily easy, good, best or what we'd choose for ourselves).

Both are wrong in arguing our choices to act are simply an expression of (for or against) the way we're born.

If these are the two common schools of thought, we'd do well to look for a third.

Born This Way

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

It doesn't matter.

Really, it doesn't matter.

Ancient philosophers (among others) not only wasted time wondering about the foul, they also wasted time with a classic irreducible logical problem. The answer has always depended on where you start (ab ovo - from the egg), and our answer was already determined the way we begin.

It's not that the question is unanswerable. Biologists have an answer: http://bit.ly/cyqtIJ and so do psychiatrists (why would you ask about the ovum? tell me about your mother).

It is answerable, but what our answer will be is already determined by where we begin - the ideas we assume (about chickens and eggs and the world).

The Truth is that we were born this way.

Get over it.

And ask: now what?

Accidents of Birth

Since (not if) we begin in media res - in the middle of things - it is important to acknowledge the many things that make us who we are. These are things about being human that we did not choose (and they weren't necessarily chosen for us either).

Gender.

Race.

Ethnicity.

Height.

Eye color.

And so many more.

And that's a good exercise... add to our list of what we did not choose in life - what we didn't have a choice about, things beyond our choice. Parent(s), geography, education, DNA, rich or poor or in between, I.Q. (duh!). The list can go on, and on, and on....

Discovering what's on our list is important - very important.

Why? Because we all begin in the middle of things.

In Media Res

Remember the phrase in media res from lit class?

It means 'in the middle of things.'

Strictly speaking it's a narrative technique that begins in the middle and uses flashback (often in stories embedded in the present told about the past). The alternative is to begin ab ovo (from the egg).

Strictly speaking most of us think that the best way to make a better life - just start over. A do-over is a kid's solution to a mistake (or a spoiled kid's way of demanding his way, or he'll take home his bat and ball). That is strictly speaking.

But strictly speaking, there is no strictly speaking when it comes to our lives.

We don't - we do not - get to start figuring out life ab ovo. No one.

We all start in media res.

And the sooner we stop looking for a do-over, the better we'll be today.

Good Stories

"A good story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end... but not necessarily in that order."
- Jean-Luc Godard

There's something about stories. Some say we're wired to like stories. Some say it's innate in our psyche; that we understand and make sense of everything through stories.

Stories are how we fit things into our lives and our lives into everything we experience.

So what? Here's what...

The first step is to start to 'see' stories in our lives - beginnings, middles and ends. For the next few days try to see stories in our lives. Little things, big things, friends, family, work, play, knick-knacks lying around. They all have stories.

Interested in learning more about stories and the stories of our lives?

We'll find more in The Truth, available on Amazon.com, paperback and eBook Kindle versions: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005BZLQ4S

One More Thing About Dancing

Dancing is one of the few things we don't have to be good at to have fun. (I'll let others figure out what the other things might be.)

So we've danced, we've been laughed at, we've continued to dance in spite of the embarrassment, and we've made others wonder - not about our dancing but about their laughing. Unless we're dancing with such oddity or creativity, the laughter will turn into smiles or they'll just walk away.

But don't let them get away. Become a life evangelist. How? Invite them to dance themselves, invite them to live!

Laughing or Dancing?

So we've put together our series of moves and called it dancing.

(We can do better, but we're out of practice.)

But if we're all alone, and if we're the only ones who can hear the music, then we'll probably be laughed at - smiles will become amusement, and that will become outright laughter.

Now what?

Have we ever tried to keep laughing when we're the only one laughing? It's difficult, or maybe impossible.

So make them keep laughing - make them do the impossible.

They will stop, sooner than we think and they'll do one of two things. Either smile with us or join in.

And the only way to get to this point is to keep dancing.

So I'm Dancing... Now What?

Dancing isn't ever as simply as just moving around.

Just about any of us can 'do' a dance move. C'mon we've all got our one go-to move. Some of us may try to look like John Travolta in a three piece white suit in Saturday Night Fever, but the rest of us will look like, well, ourselves caught in an awkward moment.

That's all well and good, but then what? Dancing keeps moving - it strings together move after move and doesn't stop. That's dancing.

We need more than one dance move, right? And then learn to transition to and from one move to another.

So, today we'd better start putting things together.

But what if people laugh? That's tomorrow's topic.

A Good Day to Dance

To-Do List for Tuesday: work, laundry, dentist, groceries, lawn, dance...

Dance? Yes, dance.

One of the suggestions in The Truth is to dance. Just dance. If you prefer music to dance to, then put on music (but remember that other people can't hear the music in your ear buds, I forget that sometimes when I sing along, a little off key).

But just dance. Today. Start small if we must, or go-for-it.

After people look around to see if we're part of a flash mob, they'll turn back with an odd look.

And then what?

We'll talk about that tomorrow.

Today we dance, without a net.

TGIM?

No one says TGIM - Thank goodness it's Monday.

Mondays mean conformity and necessity - we have to work, we have to go to school, we don't have a choice, we have to.

No choice, right?

Wrong.

As we go about doing what we must, try doing the same thing differently. Do someting we have to do differently, be creative, experiment.

Make Monday's question: What will we do differently today?

Try it, and we might be able to say TGIM!

Maybe.

The In Between of Our Story

Groucho Marx said, "If you've heard this story before don't stop me because I'd like to hear it again."

Repeating stories is a pleasure to children and a necessity to the elderly. But what happens in between? What happens after we're done begging 'Again! Again!' to the stories we're told and the uncertain pause of 'Have I ever told you about...?'

A lot, right? That thing called life!


Well, yes and no.

That in between is what we're doing now, what we're living now - some dare to call it 'life'.


It takes time and effort (two things that are always in demand it seems) to learn to enjoy our story in between.

The story in between how we're raised and how it all ends needs some attention... some time, effort and attention...

A Better Story

Learning to tell our own story differently is an easy idea but a very difficult thing to start to do.

Remember the story about the gingerbread man? 'Run, run, as fast as you can; you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man' - yes that one.

A parent was volunteering in a kindergarten class once upon a time, and read that story for reading time. Reading with enthusiasm and joy the children were enthralled - so much so that the teacher interrupted, "Now children, we know that gingerbread men can't talk, the can't run, and neither can the animals. We know this, right?!" And she led the young, impressionable minds in an affirmative nod (showing them the right response).

But in the story the gingerbread man does talk (and taunt), and the animals can answer back. In the story, the way it's told, the way the story goes.

By the way, the teacher's critique of the story of the gingerbread man and the way the real world is didn't work. The children nodded in agreement that they understood their teacher's instructions, but just as quickly went back to the story with an eager request, "Read it again! Read it again!"

The Truth About Today

The Truth is about living better. And living better is about developing the skills to tell our own story.

Try this: narrate our own day. At the end of today take two or three minutes to tell the story of our day. Not just what happened, when or where, but how things happened, and maybe even why.

It's as simple as seeing more than what happened (because what happens often seems beyond our control - we work, drive, do so much because we must, but why this or that happens is the 'seeing more' we're after).

Try it. And tomorrow we'll talk specifics.

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The Truth is currently available as an eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005BZLQ4S.

And the paperback version will be available soon, first on Amazon and then in bookstore distribution channels.

Welcome to The Truth

It's time.

It's time to hear the truth about life and the truth about a better life.

Let's get started.

The Truth is a beginning to a better life. It's written to be read and re-read. It's written simply but it's not simply written.

The Truth leads us through seven topics: who we are, gullibility, wisdom, playing the fool, happiness, boredom and death.

Here's a taste (from Chapter Seven):

Wedding or funeral - which one would we rather attend?

That's an easy one, right?

Wrong.

Solomon said it's better to be at a funeral than a wedding.

What do you think?